I googled soap and perfume
to discover their inventors.
Who first thought of cleansing bars
and other smell preventers?
Turns out, An IRISH lass named SPRING
was first to shape that ZEST filled thing
while she sailed the IVORY, COAST
with her husband on honeymoon.
He had explored the OLD SPICE trails
in the years before they wed,
before her wiles reversed his TIDE
toward the CHEER of her marriage bed.
(He’d sailed with the Italian, POLO, you know,
in search of gold and OPIUM.)
But Springs ALURE lured him safely home
to do all things YOUTH DEW.

Now an ocean of bubbly brands
has us whipped to a lather,
all flowing from Springs wedding
and the love song she would sing:

“Before that thing comes near me bub,
get in the tub and scrub!”