When I consider my senescence,

and my built in obsolesce

I find there are legions of evil habits

I must eliminate from my existence.

Like, when I squash my lust

for a second or even fourth sweet dessert!

My wife and I love those big, round cookies.

(We call ’em “Black ‘n Whites)

She loves the chocolate half,

I, the vanilla.

So, we buy two or three at the

S n L Deli in Wilmington

and place them in the freezer

to be savored, slowly,

one at a time during the following weeks,

carefully splitting them in half,

making sure no thin streaks

of offending black or white

stick to our favorite flavors.

Our stash won’t be replenished

till the next time we drive to Wilmington

for an appointment with her Gynecologist

or for me with my Proctologist!

Well!!

That evil habit has got to go!!

Hell!!

We’re both pushing 80 with shorter and shorter brooms!

Ya think savoring TWO vanilla or chocolate halves at one sitting’s

gonna make me die before my time

… when eating ONE won’t?

If hoarding and spreading out those delicious treats

over two weeks or more is so damn prudent,

BUY TWICE AS MANY AS YOU DID IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

8 rather than 4!

A bakers dozen instead of 6

The cashier at SnL won’t think any the worse of me

and I’ll get to taste that heavy, sweet vanilla frosting

when ever I damn will please

before or after my colonoscopy!

And what about that sinister urge

to get up after I shut off that damn alarm clock?

WHY BOTHER?

Even better,

Don’t set the thing the night before!

You’ll probably wake up,

sometime…

but just because you’ve opened your eyes,

doesn’t mean you have to… rise!

We need a permanent vacation

from our previous vocation

of ” saving the whole world”

…every day!

It’s soooo over!

Enjoy pillow talking with your precious partner.

(Who knows what else might “come up” instead!)

Yes,

there will come a time,

(face it)

when I couldn’t get up if I wanted to!

When, at last, one sleepy day I won’t wake up –

at all.

Ain’t nothing gonna stop that day from coming!

So, stay in bed, for the time being,

if you want to,

wrapped in those warm, snuggly fleeces,

stroking what ever pieces of your bed-buddy

(or your self)

you enjoy fondling!

Milk the ticking clock

down to its last tock.

And if you do decide to get on your feet,

(I mean every body’s got to pee, sometime!)

who says ya got to get dressed?

Sitting naked at my desk,

like I am now,

writing this poem

helps the words come…

Frees up the flow, Ya know?

And if I want to stretch out on my porch,

just sitting there,

nude in the mornings breeze,

so be it!

And if the neighbor lady doesn’t like it,

tell her not to stare!

And if I feel like regaling her with some of my

heard-earned-life-lesson-learned-stories,

let her come over and sit a spell.

Hell!

(If she ain’t seen it by now, it’s about time she did!)

She can drag along her bridge club crowd

if they’re curious – or for safety in numbers,

(but who can say for sure, right?)

or,

if they just want something to chuckle about, later,

so what?

And if I can’t find any body to listen to

my vocal meanderings,

well,

I’ll tell them anyway

to the squirrels and pigeons in the park.

(Let those young mothers pushing their precious perambulators giggle!

Who cares?!!!)

And if there ain’t any wildlife around,

Hell!

I’ll shout my odd-essy to the trees and passing clouds!

Anything!

Anything to break those stupid, suppressing, habits!

Share what ever life has taught,

uninhibited by any cobwebby-restrictions!

We’ve earned the right!

Right!

(Pant, Pant, phew…. Gettin’a bit winded here… Excuse me… Deep breath….)

I believe it is essential

to rid ourselves of these

ingrained-selfish-life-long-self-regualtory-impostitions

especially now that time is running out for us to do so.

It will be so much simpler for Dear Saint Peter

to squeeze me through the great Pearly Gates

if I am, at last, happily, contentedly,

stripped down to my bare essentials.