…that moment in human history

after which everything

changes.

It’s no mystery!

The most pivotal…

That slight change of direction…

That sudden shift in trajectory…

Remember?

OK.

I will tell you!

It’s the first time

one of our Pro-Magnon grandpa’s

decided to wipe his ass

after he left a shit

in the primordial woods,

out there

in the forest somewhere…

maybe he grabbed a green leaf

off a maple tree

or pulled up a hand full of lavender.

Maybe his mate got it into her head

his ass would look…

cuter..

somehow?

without the dangling berries?

Maybe his arse was just too damn rubbed raw

by that new fangled pair

of mammoth-hide skivies he wore,

Maybe it was the smell?

When it became

for the first time,

unpleasant?

What the hell

did that even mean?

Anyway,

before anyone even knew,

a bidet in every loo!

Charmin!

Etiquette!

Morality!

Rules, laws, government!

Dress codes!

Collard shirts on the golf course, Gentleman!

I guess we ought to thank

that first fastidious ass wiper.

But then again….

Aww…shit!

I don’t know.