Once upon a time,

when I was four

I sat on the potty-seat pooping

while Daddy shaved.

When I finished,

I stood up,

stared between my legs,

then looked up to Daddy and asked,

“How can so much shit come out of my little ass-hole?”

When Dad told Mommy what I’d said,

she didn’t approve of my word choices,

(but, she knew a kids vocabulary comes from what they hear!

around the house….)

Dad said he’d nearly slit his throat with his razor while laughing.

Well,

Mom and Dad are long….. passed,

but my fascination with defication

(and all other bodily functions)

still persists.

Especially as I age.

“Just checking” becomes a daily necessity.

And I have generated maxims that have become

important guidelines in my life’s interpersonal connections.

To wit:

THE GREATER THE SHIT, THE LESS THE WIPE.

Get it all out.

The aftermath is less complicated that way.

And how about the multi-tasking pleasure of checking

for pictures on your used toilet paper squares?

Faces, usually of animals-

Foxes, owls, mastiffs, cranes…

but sometime just shapes,

in browns or greens…

(Be alarmed if the color is red)

on white squares….

Sometimes, fart for arts sake,

just often enough to justify your observations!

Some of life’s joys and surprise arise

in the most unexpected times and places…

So,

Relax!

Get a cushioned toilet seat

and enjoy!