Just for the fun of it:

Realism: Everything is broken and it works.
Idealism: Everything works as it was ideally meant to, even if it’s broken.
Pragmatism: Most of it is broken, but it’s all we have.
Optimism: The cup is half full, but of what?
Pessimism: The cup is half empty and probably leaking. If it is not leaking
yet, wait a while.
Freudianism: The cup is a vagina.
Jungianism: The virgin cup is the Holy Grail.
Pantheism: The Gods are everywhere and nuts.
Theism: God is here, but is known to sometimes go AWOL.
Deism: God is somewhere…. else.
Agnostic Liberal Judaism: “Hear, O’ Israel! The Lord our God is Pi”.
Reform Judaism: “God has left the building! Happy Sabbath anyway!”
Conservative Judaism: “Torah means…ah… whatever the Talmud says it means.”
Hasidism: The Pale of Settlement was as good as it got.
Circumcisionism: “Abba? Why didn’t we get the oil?”
Marxism: “…but then, I am not Marx!”
Leninism: “It’ll work! Just give it time!” (or)
“Workers of the world, Unite! You have everything to loos…
Wait. Let me try that again…”
Monarchy: The people are idiots! I am the state…of..things… No.
Duh…That’s not quite right….”Democracy: The king is an idiot! The majority, if educated properly and
informed of all the possibilities and are dedicated
enough to vote every time and are not swayed by emotions brought
about by high priced lobbyists and are immune to a demagogues
manipulation and I need a bigger T shirt.
Anarchy: Everyone’s an idiot, except me.
Evangelicalism: Jesus is the answer, but we’ve lost touch with the questions.
Unitarianism: Jesus may be one of the answers but the questions are piling up.
Catholicism: No matter what the question, POPE is the answer.
Protestantism: There’s got to be a better answer somewhere, right?
Shintoism: Go ask your great grand father!
Buddhism: To find the best answer, kindly spin the wheel… again.
Islamism: Haj! Not Jihad!
Atheism: ah…is it’s own reward…?
Agnosticism: maybe, yes. maybe no.
Existentialism: Only what I think is – is.
Romanticism: Turn off the brain. Turn on the heart.
Skepticism: Remember, be skeptical of your own skepticism.
Expressionism: It’s Beautiful! What is it?
Modernism: Formless content.
Post-Modernism: Contentless form.
Victorianism: Albert and the Queen can fuck every night, but no one else
ought to…
Puritanism: No one fucks, ever.
Patriotism: This is my country. KEEP OUT.
Creationism: 6 days – but not 144 hours. And nothing changes.
Darwinism: Billions and Billions and Bilions of years. And everything
changes, all the time.
Utopianism: We all own everything – therefore: I own you.
Rationalism: I think – therefore – everything is QYOUED.
Humanitarianism: People are worth the effort, mostly.
Nationalism: Inside these borders, Heaven. Outside, Shit Holes.
Globalism: The whole world gets fucked, but together.
Liberalism: A search for the way it will never, ever, be.
Conservatism: A longing for a time that never was.
Spiritualism: ” DID YOU SEE THAT!!!???” no? “WELL, I DID!!!”
Materialism: Nothing matters but matter.
Militarism: MIGHT MAKES FIGHT.
Moderationism: As boring as abstinence, but riskier.
Abstinenceism: More boring than Moderation, but safer.
Feminism: We like Men, but on our terms.
Ageism: No experience necessary.
Sexism: Gender matters.