There are only two types of people on earth.
Those who use slam-bang, hard top toilet seats
and those who prefer slow closing, padded toilet seats.
The universal characteristics of the entire Human Race
can be divided in two by these much researched criteria.
There are the slam-bam thank you ma’am
(or sir)
hard living, fast driving, early dying,
“evacuate or remove your posterior from the john”
type.
Or,
the take the time to savor the kielbasa,
count the cracks in the concrete road you wander
type.

Want a quick, accurate read on a
new acquaintance, or potential lover
or a tax accountant, or a landscaper
or a cook or a bottle washer?

Pay an unexpected visit to their abode,
fake a need to use their commode.

All your questions
will thus be answered,
I guarantee.
And all it will cost you
is a quick pee.